When you were still growing in my tummy and we discovered you were a boy, I didn't know what raising a boy would be like. I imagined football games and wrestling matches, little hipster suspenders and mud covered jeans, snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. I had hopes for the kind of man you would be one day: brave, gentle, creative, friendly, thoughtful, and strong.
Other people told me how special the bond between mother and son would be. I looked forward to that, but, my sweet boy, I had no idea how profoundly you would change my whole world and my heart right from the start!
You are the best. I love being your mom. I love being your best friend while you grow. Most nights I'm so tired when you cry out for me, but the second I step in your room and you quiet down, I realize that I really missed you, too...even if it's 3am! I love that my mere presence comforts you. I love teaching you that everything is going to be okay, so you can close your eyes and relax without fear.
Your laugh is a blessing. You bless me with me it everyday. You bless everyone you meet with your laugh. You see so much to be happy about! That helps me be happy when I get bogged down with worries and doubts. You help me lighten up!
You look at me differently than anyone else ever has. It's so pure and genuine--you see me! Thank you for not making me put on airs. I have never felt more like myself than when I'm with you. The world has a way of making us feel like we're not enough. We all face rejection in life, from the kids in elementary school who tease and bully, to the crush who puts you in the "friend zone" (though what crazy girl would do that to you??), to the millions of resumes we send out over the years with no response...it's easy to think we're not enough. But with you...with you, my darling, I feel like I'm everything I'm supposed to be. Who cares about those people who have passed me over? The best kid in the world thinks I'm awesome! I hope I always remind you of the same truth. No matter what this life throws at you, I know you are more than enough. To me, you are perfect! I know, I know, I know--nobody is perfect. But to me, you are!
You are perfectly you. Although I'm eager to see how you progress on your life journey, I also want to pause you right here where you are. Right here you love passionately, trust unwaveringly, and believe without reservation. There will be times in your life where you won't feel like you actually have all that love, trust, and faith within you, but I want you to know that you do. You had it in you from the very beginning, and it is not going anywhere. It might get buried, but it is always within you. Never believe anything else.
You're becoming such a big boy. You're spending less time in my arms and more time out exploring the world. Yet as you play with your monster trucks and cardboard boxes, you continually check in, showing me what you've learned, allowing me to participate in your adventure, and taking a moment to snuggle when you've tuckered yourself out. I will always be here for all of those things. Even when you grow up and move away, if you ever need to tell me something, show me something, or just want me there, I'm available. In fact, nothing will bring me more joy.
My little boy, you are a joy. I'm so blessed to be your mama. I know there are days where I'm tired, distracted, angry, and don't speak as kindly as I should. I'm so sorry--you don't deserve any of those things. I will keep working to be better for you every day. You are the best kind of motivation.
I love you, little one. I look forward to thousands of days spent together. I will give you kisses and hugs every day, even when you think I'm annoying.
Thanks for being you!